


Ikigai

by ycychani



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: He's-annoying-but-I-don't-hate-him au, Jangjun is annoying, M/M, Some angst, Sungyoon secretly enjoys it, The title has little to do with the real content but I suck at producing a title, They love singing, infectious disease, quarantine au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:10:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ycychani/pseuds/ycychani
Summary: Ikigai (生き甲斐) (n.): the reason for being, the thing that gets you out of bed each morningSungyoon was in quarantine. Jangjun was his neighbor.A story about the two young boys breaking rules to find out what happiness truly means."After meeting this timid neighbor and dragging him out of his corner successfully and falling in love with him in the process, however, Jangjun thought he did not have to go that far to fulfill his dream as it was already here, in the form of a Choi Sungyoon.""He dreamt of happiness- the happiness in the form of Lee Jangjun."Greatlyinspired by Pourcellaine'sQuarantine.





	Ikigai

**Author's Note:**

> (Thanks @majime for suggesting me the title and proofreading this cheesy story and encouraging me to finish it and even coding it for me ily)  
> Italic for _thoughts_  
>  Italic in double quotation marks for _"Chatting conversation"_  
>  Double quotation marks for "Verbal conversation"  
> I terribly apologize in advance for any inconvenience regarding the paragraph spacing (ﾉдﾉ)

Sungyoon woke up to the sound of continuous beeps. It was the alarm sound indicating wake-up time. After finishing hygiene duty, he started doing exercise. The moves were so familiar he could even do them with both eyes shut. It was as if he had memorized it to heart, which was not absolutely far from the truth. A rustle was heard from the threshold, which successfully drew his attention to the newly placed tray. Salad and wheat brown bread for breakfast, the same as the day before. Knowing he had no right to complain, Sungyoon started eating with a scoff while waiting for the computer to operate normally.

Soon learning period started. This was when each resident practiced self-study skills while watching videos or materials stored in their room’s computer. The knowledge ranged from conventional to academic one. They could learn and take a rest as much as they wanted. They had plenty of time for that, after all.

Sungyoon was in quarantine. After the conflict between nations, notably between the Northern part of Korea and the globe’s big fish- the US, had reached its climax, a strange disease started to spread out among regions in vicinity of North Korea. No one knew exactly who started this, but the number of people contracting this dangerously contagious disease was beyond the government’s ability to deal with. Thousands of lives had been lost. In futile attempts to save as many people as possible, they built houses of quarantine in form of a real-life community but on a smaller scale and promulgated regulations to ensure the residents a normal development. Till now, the war was still happening, causing thousands losses of lives.

At least he was safe here. All of the videos told him that. 

 

After studying time, they were allowed recreation. One common game was Bombing where residents in the same building could interact while playing. There was also a system quite similar to a SNS where people could text to each other and make video calls. However, the managers would not let anyone go as far as developing intimacy. Love was one of the top 5 taboo things in this community, for some unknown reasons. Sungyoon vaguely remembered they mentioned in some videos that love led to pain and nothing good came out from it.

Sungyoon had a brief experience of it 7 years ago. Being a 16 year-old teenager, he obviously wanted to have a taste of it. Any boys in his position would rebel like him, he was sure. He sneakily tried it out with a person named 20.pjs in Bombing because she (he supposed) was quite good and he conveniently was that easy to be swayed. They turned out to get on quite well as they shared some common traits. Sungyoon thought he had finally known what love was as the bubbly feelings in his stomach was a new concept. Love was a beautiful gift, he insisted, until the manager found out about them. If the piercing pain penetrating through his throat following the injection was the punishment of falling in love, Sungyoon did not aspire to love anymore. At first the injection was used as a warning to literally ‘shut him up’. He remembered screaming and fussing all over his room in silence until his throat was strained. After days of trying to reap nothing, Sungyoon resigned himself and stopped making sounds. Although he heard from his mother that he would currently talk normally, he made no attempt for fear of hearing the silence he always dreaded. What if he spoke something but nothing came out? The sharp disappointment following it would never be a thing he could grow fond of. And what was the point of talking when you were in quarantine and having a room for yourself?

Sungyoon lived 7 years with that obstinate mindset, until one fine day Jangjun came.

 

 

  
Sungyoon was watching a cooking lesson when the computer dinged and on top of the screen ran a piece of news: _"Welcome the new resident from Room 3 Floor 3"._

_Next to mine huh_

Sungyoon thought, but of course he did not harbor any intentions of starting conversations. Call him anti-social, but he did not like interacting as the young him used to be. Throwing the news to the back of his head, Sungyoon returned to watching the paused video.

 

Sungyoon was in the middle of finishing another lesson when his computer dinged. Untypically, the notification came from the message section. He had not clicked on it for a long time. There were many conversations there but most of them were from 5 years ago. The latest one, coming in 3 minutes ago, was from ...how to read this....jj...jjangjjyun..nieee.....jjangjjyunnieee? 

_Who the heck named himself like this?_ Sungyoon scoffed but read it anyway. He was in no mood to interact, but he was not a rude person either.

 

The message was simple: _"Hi user sungYoon from Room 2 Floor 3, I'm jjangjjyunnieee, I want to get to know you as we will be next-door neighbors from now on ✧ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉﾞ♡”_

 

He frowned upon reading. Now he regretted opening this. He did not want to have a friend especially when he could not talk. Conversation thus was a pain in the neck. In this message application, if you did not want to reply or let senders see that you had seen it, you could hide it. _Goodbye, human there._

 

Having unseen the poor sender, he returned to his previous task. His pleasant peace was invaded again, however, by the loud beep indicating a new message. It was that person again.

 _"Hey why are you unseeing me? I saw youuu. Urg why are you so hard to approach. Or are you a sleeping beauty waiting for your prince? Hello I'm your prince. Can we be friends? ^_^"_ He read the message by accident and as soon as he finished he immediately activated the **Unsee this message** command but the said person had already caught him in the act.

_"Hey hey you. I saw that you have seen my message. Don't unsee me please. Please be friends with me I won't bite :D”_

_What the hell? Why is this person so fast?_

_"Princess, please talk to your prince your prince is so bored :(:("_

Sungyoon puffed his cheek angrily at the cringeworthy words of the new neighbor. _That is way too cheesy. What is this person’s problem anyway?_

_"I'm an XY."_

There was a moment’s silence until the reply came and he could feel the awkwardness as imaginary crows quacking on the computer screen.

_"Oh…_  
_Hi handsome : ) )"_

_"I'm jjangjjyunnieee. Yours?"_

Sungyoon felt stupefied. Wasn't his username clear enough?

_"Sungyoon."_

_"What a nice name. Why do you caps lock Y though?"_

_"Oh I know, I will call you Y for short. WA YI WA YI WA YI hehe~"_

_I haven't completed the sentence but he had already sent another. Why is this guy so fast?_

_"Whatever you like."_

_"My name is Lee Jangjun but you can call me Junie. Oh how old are you by the way?"_

_"23"_

_"And I'm 21! Yay I have found a brother. I will call you Wayi hyung ^^"_

Hyung. A horrific he had long forgotten how it rolled out of his tongue. No one near him got too close to him to call him that. But surprisingly and un-Sungyoon-likely, he did not refuse the idea of being called by one. This boy was annoying, true, but Sungyoon was not the type to take it at face value. There’s no need to point-blank refuse this boy at their first-time meeting (or chatting). He would see if this person was a good one before deciding to ditch him officially. Moreover, a companion did not sound too bad, did it?

 _"It’s up to you. It's study time. Stop sending messages."_ Sungyoon found an excuse to end the discussion he had no idea of how to reply.

_"Oh did I bother you? Sorry I'll stop. I'll come again when you are free"_

_Peace, finally._ Sungyoon breathed out a sign of relief and closed the message tab to direct his mind to the worksheet he should have finished but for the neighbor’s interference.

A faint "hehet" was heard from the next room which Sungyoon was pretty sure belonged to  
the new boy Lee Jangjun. His mouth almost curved hearing the strangely cute sound. Almost.

 

 

 

Gradually, as much as he hated to admit it, he was eager to hear the notification sound and see what kind of interesting thing Jangjun came up with. All of their conversations was started by an excited Jangjun. Sungyoon could feel that this boy was scared off by his cold attitude at first, and well Sungyoon could not really blame him. He did not know how to act around a new friend as this ability of his had been rusty for 7 years and he would not want to give the younger a false impression that he was an easy-going guy. He even told him about his disability with a view to dimming his hope of becoming friends and testing this new friend. When he first stuttered that out, there was an overwhelming silence from the message app and in a split second Sungyoon regretted what he had done. What if Jangjun finally gave up and stopped acting friendly? He would get back his peaceful silence again, but was that what he really wanted then?  
However, surprisingly the younger calmly replied him; _I know you are, I have always watched over you._ Curious as to what he meant by “watch over”, Sungyoon was about to ask when Jangjun cut in with _“It doesn’t matter, hyung. You have me as your mouth now. Can we be friends?”_ Jangjun always ended his story with _Can we be friends?_ and it must be a lie if Sungyoon said he wasn’t moved by such sincerity and persistency. And as the older didn’t give a feedback, _Yes_ was what Jangjun interpreted.  


 

After that small incident, the other boy was braver. He came up with ridiculous excuses to invade his supposed free time (for example _Have you eaten?_ or _You are my ideal type_ or _Three reasons men cry in their entire lives_ ) to engage him in a conversation. Sungyoon knew about his tactics but chose to not disclose it as seeing the neighbor put so much effort into inventing stories to be able to talk to him was amusing. Yes. Lee Jangjun was an amusing companion, he had to admit.

 

 _Ding_  
The familiar sound snapped Sungyoon out of his mini flashback. Upon seeing where it came from, he clicked on the new message far too quickly for his liking.

 _“Hyung. Do you like singing?”_ It said simply as if nothing’s wrong.

 _“Rings a bell, but no.”_ Sungyoon curtly replied. He was not a type to type much. Besides the younger seemed to not mind it so he did not feel any need to change this- quite rude if you may say- habit.

 _“Really, hyung? You don’t know what it is? You must have missed out on the most beautiful thing of life. Music is like my life.”_ Came the dramatic reply. Sungyoon frowned upon seeing the message, feeling as if he had just been snickered at by a kid. Of course he wouldn’t know that. He was freaking 5 when people kidnapped him and locked him into this jail! And if he had known it when he was a child, he would have forgot it by now after 18 years of not practising it.

 _“Ok. Can Mr. Dramatic care to elaborate? I. Will. Wholeheartedly. Gladly. Learn. From. You”_ Sungyoon jammed his finger typing a response. It was not like he was mad, he was just joking around with the boy knowing this would scare him off a little.

 _“Well OK”_ The boy was too excited to be wavered this time though. Sungyoon pouted.

_“Singing is like reciting words, but you add rhythms to it and make it more melodic.”_

“Like this,” suddenly Jangjun voice sprang from the wall right beside his left ear, which nearly threw he off his chair.  
Sometimes the younger used oral communication (“to save time”- he said) out of the blue. His voice was sultry and extremely, surprisingly loud. Although it was slightly muffled by the wall, he would still hear each word articulately. He wondered what kind of face might go well with this kind of deafening voice. Sungyoon chuckled soundlessly imagining a face of a boy with his mouth covering half of his face. _That might be true._

Jangjun really did as what he told – reciting words but adding melodies. The sentence was meaningless; however, the melody did pique his ears.

There was something in his heart that responded to the melody, as if it had known that a long time ago. Sungyoon was notsure why, but he craved for more. Never before had his chest been filled with such overflowing desires. Music. Melody. Were they the reasons why he felt hollow all of this time?

“How was it, hyung? Familiar yet?” Jangjun’s low voice rang beside his ear. Not fully recovered from the daze yet, Sungyoon absent-mindedly typed down a simple _Not yet_. Hearing the next door boy whine, Sungyoon's mouth unconsciously curved upwards at the childish act.

 

_“Music heals people magically, it’s a pity that you don’t know what is that but I’m here to guide you ^^”_

The whine stopped, followed by a new message. Jangjun wrote, not forgetting to add another strange symbol. What were two circumflexes doing here anyway? Whatever. The content mattered more. Sungyoon cheeks that were previously widening felt hot. The realization of knowing there was omeone at his back ready to supplement what he lacked hit him hard and left he with a tiny eagerness for new things the younger boy would teach him.

 

 

 

_“Hyung do you know video chat? Let's use it! I want to see show you something in person."_

_"I have never used it" again since the incident._

Sungyoon used to make video calls with his mother when he was small and scared and needed reassurance. After he became mute temporarily he stopped accepting such calls. Hearing the person from the other line speaking while he could not burned him inside with despair, envy and rage. He also might not catch up with their fast talking since his only response tool was typing- which took a considerable amount of time. Therefore he did not like the faintest idea of video calls.

_“Oh come on I will instruct you!”_

On the second thought, a casual chance of seeing the other’s face without looking too creepy should be seriously considered.

_"I will take your silence as a yes. Don't worry you can type down, I will try talking slowly so you can follow. After tomorrow learning time is alright?"_

Before Sungyoon hesitantly type down a reply, Jangjun cut in, leaving no chances of him declining. Whatever. It was not like he disliked the idea.

 _"Ok but stay within allowed time."_ Sungyoon ended with a command he himself did not even like. What’s the point of beeing discipline? He was just putting on a tough look to hide the fact that he was as excited as the younger boy.

An enthusiastic _Yas_ emitted from the wall which made Sungyoon's mouth curve into a small smile.

 

 

 

After finishing his lunch, Sungyoon did some researches on singing. The thing called “singing’ introduced by Jangjun piqued his interest. Although he could not account for the previous sudden bursting inside his chest, he figured out it was an indicator that he used to know and deeply attach to “music”. The piece Jangjun hummed, although short, was really good. He wondered if there was any extensive version of that.  


 

Talking about the next-door boy, he wondered how he looked like. The weird imagination of a boy with his mouth covering half of his face appeared, making him chuckle. And, how would the younger react if he saw his face? Sungyoon’s left hand unconsciously touched his head and combed some messy strands. It was not like he was trying to look expressive to the younger. No he was not.

 

Suddenly a request for a video call popped up, making him jump slightly in surprise. Having calmed down the adrenaline rushing through his body, Sungyoon clicked on the **Accept** button. He was immediately greeted by a toothy smile of a boy. He -Jangjun - looked young; his hair was cut nicely above his eyes. The eyes were sparkling under a lamp placed on the computer (they had to put the light on because the room's always dark) and Sungyoon had to admit they were beautiful. 

"H-Hi Y hyung"

He could hear that clearly from the speaker and the wall beside. It felt funny, and rather loud for his ears that were accustomed to silence.

_"Hello"_

He carefully typed

"I'm Jangjun" The boy on the screen smiled sheepishly

_"I know"_

"S..so.. Y hyung is indeed handsome just like in my imagination"

Jangjun, suddenly being nervous, spat out a sincere flattery.

Sungyoon unconsciously used his left hand to cover his mouth and nose. Handsome is an adjective he was not really fond of. It made him shy when people associated him with handsomeness. Whether Jangjun was being serious or not, he still felt uneasy.  


 

 _“Don’t say it like that. I’ll get shy”_ Sungyoon had his eyes glued on the keyboard as he typed, avoiding the other’s stares.  


 

He could feel the icy atmosphere and was about to slap himself mentally for messing things at their first meeting when a mirthful laugh was heard. Sungyoon curiously looked up to see the younger’s 100-megawatt smile. His eyes descended to crescents. The boy seemed nowhere near offended so he let out a breath of relief and stared at the smiling boy. He wondered how a smile could be that bright. Combined with his well defined facial features, the smile was more mesmerizing and pure. Alright, this boy was handsome, Sungyoon admitted. But hell if he said that out loud. Jangjun’s head would not fit the screen anymore in 2 seconds.  


 

“Aigu aigu we have a flustered rabbit here” Jangjun jokingly said, the mirth and the mischief still evident in his sparkling eyes.

 _“Shut up. I’m not as thick-skinned as you.”_ Sungyoon glared at the boy on the screen and spat back. The ice was broken after Jangjun’s loud laugh. He did not feel as nervous as before and so did Jangjun, it seemed.

"Anyway," The younger boy suddenly clapped, directing Sungyoon’s focus to the thing he was itching to say

"I'm here to give you a present I've been preparing ppam ppam"

Jangjun mimicked the sound of his footsteps thumping on the ground when he did exercise which sounded like _dugudugudugu_ before proudly announcing

"I wrote a proper song and you have the honor to hear it first. Tada"

_"Sounds fun. Go ahead"_

"It's quite sad. It's about break up. Break up is when two people who used to love each other spilt because of various reasons" 

Before he could ask anything, Jangjun was first to fill him up

_"That must be sad". Separation is sad._

"Yeah. This is like a dialogue where two people argue with each other. I think it's quite interesting so I add rapping to it."

Jangjun once explained what rap was to him and said he really loved rapping. Sungyoon, after seriously considering the difference between rapping and singing, preferred the latter despite not having an actual vision of it.

Jangjun cleared his throat before trailed off the song.

 

If what Jangjun was doing was called Singing, then he thought he might have known, long before, about it. The way Jangjun stressed a word and resonated another, the way he melodically hummed before rapping, the way he lengthened and shortened sounds to fit into the flow, all seemed oddly but pleasantly familiar. What was that? Why was it familiar? The more he thought the more his headache worsened, thus Sungyoon averted his eyes to the figure on screen for a distraction.  


 

Jangjun’s eyes were gleaming even under the weak light. He gave off a strangely serious vibe, a world apart from his usual smiling and funny one. Sungyoon could not put an exact finger on what was different in the younger boy, but based on what he usually yakked about, it was passion.

_Jangjun looks cool._  
_I think I have seen this image somewhere._

And from the back of his mind, something snapped, like an old package buried deep suddenly busted open.

 

When he finished, he exhaled loudly and checked the older’s reaction. His hyung was in another daze again.  
_“What’s wrong, hyung?”_

The man on the screen jumped a little, which extracted a chuckle from Jangjun. _He is cute as usual._

_“Nothing”_

“How was it? I’m still working on this. My singing part is not complete but I’m trying”

 _“That was singing?”_ Sungyoon asked although he had known the answer himself.

“Yes hyung. How do you feel about it?”

_“The lyrics are sad but I don’t feel so. More like excited I discovered a new thing?”_

“And finally you aren’t bored anymore, are you?”

_“….Yeah”_

“Magical, right? Music helps people like that. It heals our boredom; it helps us venture into a new world. You always look like you don’t give a care about this life, I’m worried. I’m relieved I can see you taking to something else beside carbonara” Jangjun jokingly explained.

 _“Yah I said I am not interested in carbonara”_ Sungyoon immediately justified himself.

Jangjun laughed out loud, which could be heard clearly even without the use of headset, and raised his eyebrows

“Sure, hyung, if you insist”

 

And for the rest of the night, surprisingly, they sat in silence. Jangjun said he wanted to work on the lyrics and was totally immerse in the job. Sungyoon got bored after 5 minutes of staring into a monument. He asked previously if he should end because the younger were working so earnestly. The younger did not say anything; however, Sungyoon could see the hesitance written clearly. He was not the type to make someone sad (not “someone”, frankly speaking, but “Jangjun”) so he stayed.  


 

Having nothing to do, he focused on the person on screen. He explored some new things about the boy. Jangjun’s side profile was not bad. His nose was not impressively high but it fitted with his other facial features. Sungyoon traced his fingers along his own nose and concluded that his was still better. His index finger stopped at the tip of his nose. Well that of the younger looked so round he fight the urge to pinch it hard.  
 _Wait what. Did I just want to “pinch”?_  
Scandalized at what he had just come up with, he willed his gaze to wander to anywhere but the nose part. There was a small black dot below the boy’s left ear – if his memory was right, it’s called a mole. His eyelash was long and his hand soft and his hair smooth but messy. He touched a stray of his nicely-combed hair, suddenly feeling the urge to run his hand through the brown lock in front of his eyes to organize it, and to feel how soft it might turn out to be.

 

 _Did I just think of physical contacts with Jangjun? When we are in quarantine? Ptf Choi Sungyoon how crazy could you get?_ He thought to himself bitterly as reality sank in. Yes, they were in quarantine, there was no way they could literally reach each other.

 

So this was what Jangjun did when he could hear nothing but silence from the next room. He once felt dreaded that Jangjun chose not to follow the rule, that he did not study at all. He tried his best persuading him but to no avail and gradually got used to the fact. Why he was bothered in the first place anyway? As what Jangjun said, he did not care about things going around him, so why was he so concerned about the well-being of Lee Jangjun? Care. To think that something is important, to feel interested in something, and to show protection towards it. So he cared about Jangjun? As a younger brother? A friend? Supposed so, although he could not help but feel it was not as simple as that.

Sungyoon rested his back on the chair and signed loudly to chase off complicated thoughts clouding his brain. The boy did not even look up and he started to feel jealous of the paper Jangjun was paying rapt attention to. He tried to forget the gloomy mood by wandering to the new discovery of his old memories.

Sungyoon now remembered. He used to love singing. A lot. Before being quarantined, music was a friend to him. He sang to spread happiness, to share sadness, and to express feelings. His mother was a frequent listener but when she was not there, he would confidently do it before a mirror to practice facial expression too. Mother said being singer meant not only you sang emotionally but also your face should show some emotions and some passions. Sungyoon reminisced the sharp gaze when he breathed out some English words from his favorite song. It looked perfectly the same as Jangjun’s. Maybe he once was passionate about singing like Jangjun was about rapping. 

Later that night Sungyoon, after a long time, dreamt about old broken but happy memories of a boy named Choi Sungyoon. He laughed, he talked, he smiled, he played and he sang, passionately and enthusiastically .The dream ended with grown up him singing and a boy whose eyes sparkled and lit the whole garden they were in rapping. It felt so real Sungyoon smiled unconsciously in his deep slumber.

 

 

  
Lately Sungyoon had been practicing speaking. Since the first video call when he found that he used to love singing too, Sungyoon was determined to get his voice back. Before that he had not really practiced so it was really hard but he believed when Choi Sungyoon set his teeth on something he would certainly achieve it. For the first week, he didn’t make any impressive progress. All his efforts came out in heavy breathings that had Jangjun over worried.

_“What were you doing, I think I just heard you wheeze?”_

_“Guy’s stuff”_

Sungyoon coolly replied to be faced with an awkward silence.

_“Oh I’m sorry I didn’t know… Y hyung you can continue :D…”_

He face palmed.  
_Urg I put my foot in it. Guess who’s gonna be the target for the next joke._

 

 

 

“I can’t believe they confiscated my music sheets. I’m mad”.  
It’s the monthly checkup day when the managers showed up at each resident’s door to examine the hygienic and healthcare problem. The moment the managers were out after failing at persuading him to talk, a new message from an annoying Jangjun arrived.

“But luckily I saved one copy”

_“Did they do anything to you?”_

Jangjun didn’t reply, which was rare, until the second minute.

“Nothing hyung, you already know that I’m this place’s chairman’s son. They will eventually let me off”

_“Spoilt kid”_

“I can’t deny that hehe”

Sungyoon placed his head on his left hand and tsked at the screen. Yet, he was relieved the boy seemed normally cheerful. Not letting this conversation die in awkwardness, Sungyoon sat up and type the randomest thing popping up in his brain

_“What are you up to?”_

“My song has yet to be finished. I want to present you a full song so I’m working hard on it.”

 _“You said it’s about love and separation right? Tell me more.”_ Sungyoon had his own prejudices. Love was ridiculously painful. Still, he was curious about the younger’s perception. Sometimes he found himself wondering why he was adamant to discover the mysterious neighbor’s secrets. Obviously, he was not the nosy type. It was Jangjun who pried his shell open, led him out and presented him exciting new things. And now like a newly born duckling, Sungyoon only wanted to follow and explore the limitless universe named Lee Jangjun.

“Love is hard to define, hyung. I think it can be generally regarded as the affection you feel towards somebody. You are happy when they are happy, sad when they are sad, hurt when they are hurt. You want to protect that person from any pain and are willing to take that for them. Because of that close attachment, break-ups really hurt.”

 _Well, now that differed a lot from my definition of it._ But Sungyoon blinked at the screen but absorbed the new information nonetheless.

That reminded him. When Jangjun was starved for a day (he accidentally sang out loud in learning time to show the older what rapping was), it was not guilt that twisted his stomach when he saw Jangjun whined about how hungry he was. It just simply was not that. He felt like giving his plain rice bowl to the younger immediately so that he wouldn’t be hungry anymore. _Was..was it a kind of sacrifice?_

_“You seem experienced.”_

“Am I? My mother said everyone was born with a heart to love, though, but they may not know how to. I guess I am a genius for knowing it right away” He put up an arrogant face and held his head up high in a triumphant manner.

 _“Shut up”_ Sungyoon merely rolled his eyes. _This kid is unbelievable._

“You have no right to tell me to shut up but only for now, alright I’ll shut up. But, hyung, it is true that love is here, in this beating thing. My mother said love makes things more beautiful, as people from the all over world cherish each other. Life would have been better and people would have been happy if they had learned how to love.”

 _“Are we not happy now?”_ Sungyoon asked

“Are you, hyung?” Jangjun asked back

_“I am not sure. Maybe I am happy”_

Jangjun snickered at Sungyoon’s vague response, but chose not to comment.

“I don’t approve of living in this prison. This was not happiness for me, since my happiness was being able to sing and rap and let people hear it. But now there’s you to be my audience, and if you are happy then I am too.” His eyes gleamed when talking about his eternal dream. Sungyoon thought about his frequent dream, about the disjointed images of the past him, about the vague scenarios of him and a boy whose face resembled the boy he was facing now singing their heart out in the world of only two, and concluded that, having a dream was not so far-fetched and, yes, with Jangjun by his side, he was blissfully, genuinely, completely and extremely happy.

 

 

 

 

“W-wa-I wa J-Ja-Jang Jjun”  
Sungyoon coughed. The coughs had been there for several days but he figured that might be a side-effect of straining his throat repetitively. He didn’t mind it though. He finally could spit out some simple words, remarkably his name and the younger’s, and managed to smash them together. He couldn’t wait to let the younger hear his name come from the older’s mouth, he might be over-excited.

All of a sudden a request for a video call from _jjjangjjyunnieee_ popped up

Sungyoon snorted. _Speak of the devil._

“Hel~lo hyung it’s free time again so I’m here to trouble you~”

_“You’re quite punctual”_

“I am!”

_“So any progress on the song?”_

“I finished it! Oh and you guess what I found while lazing around my room?”

_“A treasure?”_

“A carbonara recipe!”

_“Go die you little bastard. I said I don’t like carbonara”_

“Alright alright just kidding. Our rooms are interconnected by an air cleaner but it’s removable”

His sharp acumen analyzed the piece of information the younger just gave. _This means I could go to Jangjun’s room? I can see him in flesh and bone? His sound will go straightly into my ears without the presence of this big headphone? And why did Jangjun break this news to me in the first place?_

“I want to see you” As if heard the racing thoughts in his head, Jangjun said.

Sungyoon looked deep into the sincere brown iris which seemed to stare into his deepest thought. Did he want that too? Yes, he did. He wanted to use his own hand to comb the messy brown lock, he wanted to use his own hand to touch the smile that seemingly stretched to the boy’s ear. He wanted to hear the boy’s words go straight into his ear, to hear his articulate rap,not slurred by the dull thick white wall. He wanted to let Jangjun take in everything he was going to say to him, to see how the boy would react. He wanted it very much. He knew that a person in quarantine wanting to meet and to touch others was ironic, but he was out of his mind after all, ever since the day he accepted Jangjun’s first messages.

“Me, too” He did not use the keyboard to transmit his thought. He mouthed it, trying to stifle the sound threatening to burst out his throat because of his weak control.

Jangjun seemed taken aback. But he quickly gained composure and laughed gaily

“Finally I can see your mouth move. And you actually agree woa thank you I will let you hear my complete song. Y hyung is the best.”

_“Yeah yeah don’t make up to me.”_

 

The following day, when it wad supposedly noon time, the air cleaner in Sungyoon’s collapsed. There was silence, until a soft voice shot to his left ear so loudly he frowned in discomfort.

“Y hyung, you there?”

“Oh I’m sorry you couldn’t answer. My bad”

He did not have the chance to force sounds out as Jangjun took the initiative again. The younger told him to lie down because the hole was small. Sungyoon hesitantly lowered his face until his lenses reflected an image of a messy brunette lock. His heart thumped hard inside his ribcage. It was really Jangjun, all stunning with his usual wide smile.

“Hi today you look good as usual hyung”

No more screen. No more headphones. Just face to face. And he could actually feel the younger’s breath glossing over his bare arm which was folded neatly beneath his chin. So close.  


 

Despite his messy thoughts and derailed heartbeats, he smiled calmly as an indicator of a polite hello.

“Have you eaten? Today’s vegetables are too saline I’m mad”

Jangjun was talkative as if they were just holding a normal conversation via video calls. Sungyoon simply nodded, and let Jangjun talk for the rest of the time. The boy seemed to be enjoying it so he would just go with it, although he wanted to show the boy his success very much. Instead, he focused on what he would be doing during video calls- observing the younger. The screen did not do Jangjun’s skin justice; in real life it was fair and soft. Also his cute mole was more visible seeing with his own eyes. And that lock, that messy lock he wanted to run his hand through. It still looked disheveled, did Jangjun ever comb his hair? He thought so, while his hand unconsciously reached out to touch the younger’s hair. When his hand threaded through the soft brown strands, there was an electric spark that had both parties freeze in action. He should have been self-conscious and extracted his hands, Sungyoon knew, but unknowingly his hands stayed firm and continued putting the locks into order. The other seemed rigid with the sudden bold action of his usually shy neighbor. That did not put Sungyoon off, though. After finishing the job of a comb, his hands fell to the other right cheek. The contact, again, had Jangjun flinch. The younger boy was seriously distraught; his eyes darted back and forth but never landed at Sungyoon’s. The other boy did not seem to mind, as he continued to look at the beautiful pair of orbs in contemplation.  


 

Seeing the younger at such close proximity and properly touching him sent unknown butterflies to his stomach. This was the person who dared to trample his barricade, who brought back his memory about his long forgotten dreams and changed his attitude to life. Never had he been exhilarated to open his eyes and start a day, nor never had he dreamt of breaking the rules one by one just to talk to a person and hear that person’s laugh.

Never had he felt such strong desire to love and be loved as this. Never had he felt more human-like.

 

“Hyung…?” Jangjun’s voice slightly quivered as he nervously bit his lips and looked at Sungyoon questioningly. The skin under his fingers grew hot, tainted with some tint of redness he couldn’t account for.

 

Sungyoon quickly pinched the younger’s nose, which he had dreamt of doing for ages, and withdrew his hand instantly while smiling innocently. He was sure time. He was-

“Aish. It hurts. Why Y Y Y” Jangjun shielded his red nose and talked in a nasal tone.

Instead of replying to the question, Sungyoon thought out loud.  
“I’m happy.”

Jangjun blinked in confusion. Had he just seen the older’s lips move in sync with a sound of “I’m happy?”. _But hyung said he could not verbalize ever again. Yet if it was not him then where it could come from?_ Jangjun glanced around his surrounding dumbfoundedly but the only thing he saw was the lump lying in front of his eyes.

“I might be hallucinating. Right, haha…” Jangjun cracked a nervous smile, swallowing the disappointment sank in his heart.

Sungyoon cleared his throat and coughed, which alarmed the younger a little, then stated again

“I’m very happy now, with you here.”

 

 

 

_“Are you afraid of death?”_  


 

_“What is the death?”_  


 

_“Death is when we stop breathing. This heart won’t beat, this mouth won’t talk, and these eyes won’t blink. We will not be able to see the four dull white walls or the glowing computer screen. We will no longer eat the tasteless meals with saline salad and a glass of disgusting lukewarm water. We will no longer be restricted by rigorous controls on what to do and how to do with our own lives.”_  


 

_“Are we going to another place if we die?”_  


 

_“I am not sure, but my mother said we would come to a better place.”_  


 

_“Are you afraid?”_  


 

_“Hyung I asked you first”_  


 

_“I don’t know what ‘better’ means but if you are happier there I won’t mind death to follow you.”_

 

 

 

It was two months after he met the new neighbor, experiencing what was called happiness, learning about how wonderful it was to have a dream and knowing why love was the greatest thing life gifted people when he was also taught that love was not the only thing life was all about.  


 

Jangjun somehow contracted the disease first. He did not notice it at first, but when the coughing fits of Jangjun happened 5 or 6 times a day, he knew something was woefully wrong.  


 

Yet, when Jangjun was in front of him looking at him apologetically as his hands busy wiping the metallic redness of blood splashed upon his hands when coughing, Sungyoon was neither afraid nor disgusted. He figured out the young boy would have succeeded in hiding this mess for a longer time, if he had not paid a surprise visit to the room next door. Thousands of thoughts ran through his head. _He contracted the disease. Why could he? We are in quarantine to get protection against the goddamn disease but he was infected. Why? Is he going to die eventually? And how about me?_

"Hyung. I'm terribly sorry I did not say this to you, because I hesitated leaving you. Now that you know, please stay away from me before you yourself are disgusted or even infected by me." Jangjun weakly protested under his stern and faintly hurt gaze.

“Are you dying?” Sungyoon asked an out-of-context question.

“Yes? Ah.. You can say so. This disease is deadly anyway. That’s why you have to stay away.” Jangjun was taken aback at first. As he notified his hyung of the situation they were stuck in, he inched closer to his bed in an attempt of steering clear of him. He would not let him get infected. He would never let him feel the overwhelming pain he was experiencing right now. He had to live. He had to keep living and singing. He had just regained his precious voice and he had just realized his little dream. Jangjun could not selfishly dispossess him of the little connection he had with life.

Sungyoon sighed in relief, which startled Jangjun a little, and reached out to grab his shoulders, which startled him even more.  


 

“You are going to die, isn’t that a good thing? You will be free, out of this prison. And why do I have to stay away? Take me with you. We can get out of this together.” Sungyoon said excitedly as if death was the funniest thing that could be obtained in a second.

“No, hyung, you can’t die. You have to live. Soon when this war ends you will see the beautiful world outside and you will sing and live your dream. You will live.”

Sungyoon frowned, which made Jangjun tense up a bit because his hyung was undeniably scary when he was angry, and loosened his grips.

“And I will be here by myself? Thanks but no. I may have sung for others and for myself when I was small, but for now, it gets meaningless if we don’t sing together.”

Jangjun was lost in the older’s longing stare. He could see resolution clearly written beside the very clear reflection of his own. Jangjun wondered, if he were in his shoes, would he react to this news in the same way? He did not know, but one thing for sure, he also could not bear a life without the neighbor that had taught him what happiness meant. He remembered old broken memories of his mother telling him about it, about the stunning world outside the four full walls where people spent days in bliss with their family and life-time partner, and harbored a dream to achieve that goal. After meeting this timid neighbor and dragging him out of his corner successfully and falling in love with him in the process, however, Jangjun thought he did not have to go that far to fulfill his dream as it was already here, in the form of a Choi Sungyoon.  


 

Wearing a content smile at the thought, he looked up at the dark orbs that never left his and asked quietly, not only to the other but also to himself  
“Are you afraid? You will regret one day.”

With a firm “No”, they found their arms wreathing around each other’s shoulders as they pulled into a hug. They had never done this before, yet it was the rightest thing they had ever done. Silence played a melancholic symphony between them but the two were too immersed in the warmth of each other to pay it any heeds.

 

 

  
Sungyoon was told that Jangjun’s infection was his father’s doings. Jangjun was never a boy that enjoyed being told what to do. He did not like his father, but at the same time he was discreet around the distant powerful man. His father transferred him to the facility he was in charge of to assure this rebellious son of his stopping acting up and causing him troubles. He would have given up to fate if he had not met him. Something urged him to approach this timid and sluggish hyung despite his cold attitude that greatly resembled his father’s. He knew something beautiful was lying under his soul and he wanted to discover the very core of it, even if it equaled to him opposing to his own father. The old man let him off a few times before getting down to inflicting real punishment on his son. The death sentence came as no shock to Jangjun. He did not fear it for whatever it was. But if death meant leaving his hyung and not hearing him sing again, he sincerely wished fate would give up on them.  


 

Sungyoon squeezed the hand tattered with open wounds caused by mysterious parasites, ignoring the blood form them staining his slightly ulcerous hand and the heave in his chest- clear symptoms of the disease kicking in his body- and chuckled.  


 

“Have anyone told you that you are so stubborn?”

“Only you, hyung” Jangjun’s voice lost its vibrancy as his breath slowly shagged.

Sungyoon knew the clock was ticking. Their time was running short. Fate chose them.

“Can’t you wait for me?” Sungyoon trembled in fear of nothing but letting the younger go first. Why did he contract this later than the younger?

“I want to, but it seems I can’t. But we will definitely unite, I promise.” Jangjun assured while tightening their hand lock even more.

“If you break it I will find you regardless of wherever you are and choke you to death.”

“You are so violent, hyung.” Jangjun’s laugh was cut short by a dry cough. Sungyoon immediately sat up to pat the younger’s barely moving chest. His heart constricted at the sight of the stricken boy. Despite the blood and the ugly infection that covered him, he was the most imperfectly perfect thing he had ever laid his eyes on. He would never let anything stand in his way with him. Anything.

“I promise that we will stay together in whatever comes after death. You have Lee Jangjun’s words. Satisfied?” He carefully pronounced each word so as not to pull coughing triggers.

Sungyoon smiled at the younger’s attempt and lay down, entangling their legs.  
“Yes.”

“Hyung, please sing something, I hate silence.” The younger softly whispered when he turned to face Sungyoon.

He paused to think of any suitable songs.  


 

“Alright. Hey, don’t sleep yet.”  


 

Jangjun opened his drowsy eyes quickly and gave a sheepish smile.  


 

“Sorry, hyung. You took too long. I can’t wait.”

Sungyoon rolled his eyes, but dismissed it to properly sing this time.

“I met you in the dark, you lit me up  
You made me feel as though I was enough  
…”

“And I swear that everyday'll get better  
You make me feel this way somehow”

Jangjun’s sight slurred. Sungyoon’s voice cracked. But it did not matter.

“Just say you won't let go”

Their fingers found each other and interlocked.

“I wanna live with you  
Even when we're ghosts  
'Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most”

Jangjun was smiling again. His eyes had fallen shut, letting his long eyelashes shadow his pale skin.

“Just say you won't let go  
Oh, just say you won't let go”

Sungyoon fell asleep. He dreamt of the old dreams. He dreamt of a placed lit with iridescent lights and sonorous sounds of a song. He dreamt of a boy he used to collaborate with- only this time he could clearly see that boy was Jangjun. He dreamt of them joining voices to make a beautiful song. He dreamt of his happiness- the happiness in the form of Lee Jangjun.

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics at the end are quoted from "Say you won't let go" by James Arthur which was once recommended by Sungyoon. The song Jangjun introduced to Sungyoon was Stupid in Love. I added it because..just because :D  
> Thanks for reading till here although frankly speaking I don't know what I have written *hides under a cave*


End file.
